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Freedom Call: Dimensions
15/08/07 || Euthanatos
Freedom Call is one of those gay-ass power metal bands. I actually like some gay-ass power metal bands, like Blind Guardian, but Freedom Call is just… gay. I’ve never really listened closely to any of their albums, and while I thought they only had two or three (as I’ve always seen the band as a side project for Gamma Ray’s Dan Zimmermann), but lo and behold, this is actually their fifth offering.
Okay, I’m nowhere near talented enough to write this review. This becomes crystal clear as I start listening to this. Why? Well, simply put, I don’t have enough synonyms for “gay” in my vocabulary to describe this album. It all starts with your OH WHAT A SURPRISE! intro with bombastic narration. Then the gayest, I mean gayest chorus I have ever heard in my life pops up in “Innocent World”. Not satisfied? Right before they finish the song, there’s a choir. Of children. Yes. Children. Singing.
Kill me. Kill me now.
“United Alliance” sounds like something straight out of a Rhapsody album. And you know what’s great? They say “Freedom Call!!!” in the lyrics, with those warrior power metal vocals. I love that. Really. “Mr. Evil” is so funny I nearly pissed myself while listening to it. I seriously hope this is a joke of some sort, because if not, someone better lock Zimmermann in a mental institution. Stat. Epic gay song. Another epic gay song. Whoops, “Words of Endeavor”, your quintessential and mandatory power ballad. I’m so depressed right now. Oh, wait, there’s a song here called “Magic Moments”. Can you really take a band seriously when they have a song called “Magic Moments”? Are you fucking kidding me? And finally there’s the bagpipe-ridden “Far Away”, which is as cliché as you can get.
Enough. Please. I would rather have my ass rammed by Rocco and Ron Jeremy at the same time than listen to this again. I hope these guys get raped by faeries.
The cover: A wizard, a boat, tarot cards. Whoop-tee-doo.
1 gay queer faggot homos out of 10.
- Information
- Released: 2007
- Label: SPV
- Website: www.freedom-call.net
- Band
- Chris Bay: vocals, guitars
- Lars Rettkowitz: guitars
- Armin Donderer: bass
- Dan Zimmermann: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Demons Dance
- 02. Innocent World
- 03. United Alliance
- 04. Mr. Evil
- 05. Queen of My World
- 06. Light Up the Sky
- 07. Words of Endeavour
- 08. Blackened Sun
- 09. Dimensions
- 10. My Dying Paradise
- 11. Magic Moments
- 12. Far Away
